Hogwarts a History - Bright lights and the big city
by jade-fae
Summary: The breakout from Durzkeban hits a little snag. Ron and Harry on a whirlwind big city adventure.
1. Breakout Breakdown

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 01 – Breakout, Breakdown

…

#4 Privet Drive, a perfectly average house in a perfectly average neighborhood, thank you very much. For the residents of the perfectly average house it was simply, home.

For Harry Potter, it was the lockup, hoosegow, the slammer. Never had this felt more true than since his encounter with the house elf Dobby. He had to give Vernon credit, the bars were a nice touch. If there was one thing his uncle was good at it was making his point clear, to Harry anyway.

It wasn't helping his state of mind laying there and thinking about it. But since he couldn't sleep there wasn't much else for him to do. The door locks on the outside of his door made sure of that.

"Harry."

He definitely wasn't going to acknowledge the voices in his head.

"Harry."

Even if the isolation was driving him insane, he refused to abandon his dignity just because he was abandoning his sanity.

"Harry!"

No matter how insistent they were.

"Harry, wake up mate."

He was awake. The voices in his head should bloody well know that.

"You sure this is the right window Ron?"

Ron? Wait a minute!

Tossing his covers aside he raced to his window.

"Harry!" three voices exclaimed.

"Shhhh!" he shushed.

"Well that's a fine hello" said George.

"You'll wake the Dursley's" Harry whisper shouted.

He was about to ask what they were doing outside his window when he realized, they were outside his window, on the second floor.

"How are you…"

The twins grinned at his befuddlement. There was a pop and a click and the car they were sitting in appeared out of thin air. But not very thin air, it had to be sitting on something.

"Woah!"

"Nice isn't it?" said Ron, "belong to our dad."

Harry couldn't help grinning like an idiot till he remembered, "What are you guys doing here."

"Breaking you out."

"Seriously?"

"Course. Grab your trunk, we'll get the bars."

Excitedly, Harry scrambled around the room gathering up his things, humming as he went.

He wasn't sure which part he was happier about. The fact he was leaving his own personal Alcatraz, or that there were people in the world willing to break him out.

"Hang on, we're taking em' off!"

The engine revved, the vehicle lurched, and the bars tore from the side of the house. Harry cringed. That was bound to have woken someone.

"Boy! What was that noise?"

"Oh shite!" they needed to go, and they needed to go now.

… One daring escape later

"Blimey Harry. You actually live with that guy?" exclaimed Ron as they flew away from Privet drive and a very angry walrus.

"Most of my life" not like he had a choice.

"Think he'll be alright?" asked Ron, "fallin out the window like that."

"He's well padded, I'm sure he'll be fine" mad as all hell though. Good thing he'd have several months to get over it before Harry saw him again.

"Charming fellow" said George.

"Like a badger down your trousers" said Fred.

"He wasn't in such a bad mood before that elf ruined his big meeting" said Harry, "I still don't understand what he wanted, or why 'I' got a warning for using magic when it was him."

"That's how the trace works" said George.

"It's just a big sensor they point at your neighborhood" said Fred.

"But, what about magical families, it'd be going off all the time?"

"We don't have it" said the twins.

"Seriously!" exclaimed Ron, "we can use magic at home."

"Sure" said George.

"So long as mum doesn't catch you" said Fred looking back at them with a Cheshire grin.

"Oh."

Harry snickered at Ron's expression. His mirth vanished when the car suddenly jerked and shook.

"What was that?"

"Bloody hell."

Up front the twins fiddled with the various levers and knobs.

"Invisibility just cut out."

"We're losing altitude."

"Hang on!" they shouted.

Clinging to the door Harry felt conflicted. He knew he shouldn't complain, but as prison breaks went, this one was not off to a great start. Or maybe it was the 'end' that was going to be the problem.


	2. Assessing our assets

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 02 – Assessing our assets

…

"Come on lads, push!"

The four boys threw their weight against the Ford Angelina. George and Fred pushed from the front doors as George steered, while Harry and Ron shoved from the very back.

"That's it, that's it… and stop."

The car came to an abrupt halt as George hit the break and set the car in park.

Harry and Ron flopped like potato sacks while Fred and George hung off the doors panting. They'd pushed the old car for three blocks before finding a good alley to hide in. An activity none had been prepared for when they'd begun their little breakout adventure.

"If we ever have to break you out of someplace again Harry, we need to come better prepared" said Ron.

"Hermione said the same thing when we were down in that labyrinth chasing Quirrell" said Harry.

"Still can't believe it was him and not Snape" said Ron, "don't get me wrong, I'm not calling you a liar but."

"You just can't see it."

"Right."

Harry nodded, "Believe me, I know exactly what you mean. I saw it and I still have trouble believing it. It's a bit easier if you could've seen what was under the turban."

"Guess he was lucky Quirrell didn't have any hair" Ron quipped.

Harry smiled as he was seized by the preposterous image, "We need to have Dean teach us that hair growing charm."

Ron snickered, fully understanding his friends reasoning, even if he couldn't picture it himself.

"Well this certainly didn't go as planned."

"What ever does."

The younger boys diverted their attention to the older ones as they came around the back and opened the hood.

"You think something's wrong with the engine?" Harry asked.

The twin shrugged, "Can't rightly say."

"Dads the one that enchanted it" Ron explained.

"So, how are you two going to fix it?"

"We'll figure it out" they said confidently.

"Just hope they figure it out before mum finds out we took it" said Ron.

A shiver ran through the three Weasley boys at that thought.

"Wouldn't you be more worried about your dad finding out?" asked Harry.

"Nope" said the three gingers.

"Oh" show him for making assumptions.

"Mum's the one ya gotta watch out for" said Ron, "nothing gets past her."

The twins nodded in agreement.

"Huh, good to know."

"Wouldn't worry about it too much" said George.

"Yeah, we'll have this fixed in no time" said Fred.

Thus reassured, Ron and Harry sat down to wait. Ten minutes into 'no time' and the inevitable happened.

"Ey Harry, I'm hungry."

Harry resisted the urge to snicker, it was just so Ron, "Well, we are in London."

"Spose there's some place to eat round hear that's still open?"

Harry may not have been an expert on city life, but he'd heard Uncle Vernon complain about it often enough to suspect, yes there was.

"If we're going to do this, we better do it properly" said Harry.

Hopping into the car he threw open his trunk.

"Whatcha doin Harry?"

"The big city can be a dangerous place" said Harry, pulling out his wand, "No idea what we might come across" not that he was expecting zombies rampant in the streets, but you never could tell.

"Wish I'd brought my wand" said Ron.

Harry thought for a second then reached further into the trunk, "Here, you can carry the invisibility cloak."

"Wicked" said Ron, taking the small square of folded fabric, "how'd you get it into that shape."

"Wasn't easy" said Harry, pulling out his money pouch and closing his trunk.

"Hey guys, we're gonna go find some food" Ron hollered.

"Don't get lost."

"Bring us something back."

Grinning, the two younger boys headed out of the alley. Adventure, and hopefully food, awaited.


	3. Shady Exchange

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 03 – Shady exchange

…

"Harry, where are we going?"

It was a good question in Harry's opinion. He really had no idea. He was only marginally better prepared for a big city adventure than Ron was, but only because he'd lived a non-magical life till quite recently.

He'd never been to London before, certainly not by himself. He wasn't even sure what part of London they were in. Not that it would matter but it would still be nice to know.

"We need to find a place we can exchange these" his wizard galleons, "for muggle currency."

Something else he hadn't considered when they'd decided to set out on their little adventure.

"Muggles don't take gold?" the ginger appeared shocked.

"No, muggle money is made of paper" said Harry.

"Well that's stupid. Gold's worth more than paper."

"It's not the paper that's valuable. The paper just represents the real money. It's easier to carry."

"So the paper represents gold?"

"It used to."

"What's it represent now?"

Nothing as far as Harry could tell. Vernon had investments in gold and tracked it religiously. That was the only reason Harry knew as much as he did about it.

Didn't mean he understood it though. Economics was a bit beyond him.

"So, what are we looking for anyway?" Ron asked after Harry failed to answer his other question.

"Someplace that will exchange gold."

What Harry was hoping for was a pawn shop. The neighborhood they found themselves in was on the seedier side by Harry's estimation. Finding an all-night pawn shop didn't seem unrealistic. At least he hoped not.

"Think we should ask somebody" Ron suggested warily.

Harry had wondered the same thing and with the same trepidation. There were a surprising number of people about for it being so late.

But Harry had yet to see a one that didn't look like they'd gotten the worse end of the stick. Having his wand in his pocket didn't make him feel as safe as he thought it would after seeing the chewed up old beggars.

"Hey Harry, lookit that."

Harry turned his attention to where his friend was pointing. A glowing neon sign reading Al's pawn shop, shone through the darkness.

"That should do" he hoped.

The bell over the door chimed as the two boys entered the establishment and for a moment all either could do was stare. Surrounding them was the strangest assortment of random things either had ever seen.

Ron especially was in awe since he lacked any sort of reference for most of the non-magical contrivances arrayed before him. He couldn't even begin to guess at their purposes, but they sure were colorful.

Leaving Ron to wander the shop, Harry found his way over to the counter. Behind it sat a bald middle-aged man in a white shirt badly in need of a wash.

The shirt, not the man. Though on second thought, maybe him too.

"Hello" said Harry.

The man stared down at the boy with bleary unfocused eyes. Harry caught a familiar wiff and suspected the man had recently been drinking. That could be bad. He remembered all too well what Vernon was like when he chose to drink.

"What'choo want" the man slurred.

"Um, do you buy gold here?"

"S'what the sign says."

Harry followed the chubby digit to the small sign on the wall, "Oh, well then. How much can I get for these."

Harry laid the three galleons he had with him on the counter and watched the man carefully.

He picked up one of the coins and tossed it in his palm, testing its weight. Giving Harry a suspicious look he retrieved a scale from under the counter and set the coin on it.

"Where'd you get these?" the man queried.

"They belonged to my grandfather" which probably wasn't a lie.

He probably wouldn't have gotten the line out so easily if he hadn't been practicing it in his head before they came in. Let it not be said he didn't learn something from his meeting with Voldemort.

"Why you wanna sell'em?"

"What else am I gonna do with them?"

Spend them, was the obvious answer. But this man wouldn't know that. At least, Harry hoped he wouldn't know. If it turned out he did know the situation could get very awkward very quickly.

The man gave Harry a long searching look. Harry did his best not to squirm.

With a bored grunt, the man ducked under the counter. Harry heard several clicks then the squeal of hinges badly in need of oil.

A metallic clang and the man returned, setting several bills down on the counter. The numbers on said bills were bigger than he'd ever seen, and there were a lot of them.

Harry didn't bother to question. He took his money, collected his friend and left the pawn shop with all apparent speed.

The man just smiled, "Stupid kid."

Despite Harry's awe at what he'd received, the coins were easily worth twice as much. Harry would never learn how badly he'd been cheated, but that's alright.

When the man tried to exchange the wizarding gold himself, the auror's were promptly notified of the transaction. After verifying he hadn't killed anyone to get it, his memory was erased and he returned to his dingy little shop with nothing to show.

In the meantime however, Harry and Ron were flush with cash and ready to hit the town.


	4. To the rescue

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 04 – To the rescue

…

"Harry, where are we going?"

"Hell if I know."

Having left the pawn shop Harry had led them up the street to a slightly less seedy section of town. The people at least looked less like ground meat.

"Seems weird for people to be up so late" Ron thought aloud, "What ya suppose they do all night?"

"I have no idea" Harry admitted, "Some of them are working, but the rest" he shrugged.

"Why would they be working at night?"

"Some businesses are open all day long" said Harry, "lots of manufacturing places are always running" or so Vernon had said.

"What's, man – u – facturing?" Ron asked, struggling with the unfamiliar word.

"Businesses that make things, like your dad's car" said Harry, grabbing at the obvious example.

"And they do that all day long?"

Harry nodded.

"Blimey, when do they sleep?"

"It's not the same people all day Ron" Harry chuckled.

"Oh! That makes a little more sense. Still can't see why anyone would want to be 'working' at night though."

Neither did Harry, "Some people do. Lucky for us or we'd still be sitting in the car waiting for your brothers."

"Yeah. You think they'll have it fixed by the time we get back?"

Harry shrugged, "I know nothing."

He hardly knew anything about normal cars. He couldn't even begin to imagine the complex inner workings of a magical one.

"You think we'll actually find food?"

"Course we will" he hoped.

If not, they were gonna be even more hungry by the time they got back.

"Let go!"

The sudden exclamation stopped the two boys in their tracks.

"You just hear that?" Ron whispered.

Harry nodded, pointing to an alley off to their right.

The two young men crept over to the alley, placing themselves in front of the building and peeking around the corner.

The alley was dark and dirty. A half dozen trash bins both full and not, cluttered the alley amidst a mass of random rubbish that lay wherever it pleased. Such vagrancy.

At the far end they could just make out a group of men in dark clothing. A young woman stood with her back pressed against a wall, surrounded by the men.

"Please, please don't hurt me" the girl begged on the verge of tears.

"Well I don't know, that wasn't very nice what you said bout us juss now" said one of the men.

"Aughta teach you some proper manners we should" said another.

"Please, I'm sorry, I just…"

"Oy, ya hear that lads? She's sorry!"

The men laughed wickedly at this remark.

"Well, if she's sorry…"

"Talk is cheap" said the third, "I think she needs to show us how sorry she is."

"Yeah, yeah I think your right" agreed the first, openly leering.

"Please, please" the girl begged, openly crying which only made the men laugh.

At the end of the alley Harry and Ron watched. Too young to understand the full context of the situation, they knew enough. Harry especially felt for the girl. He'd been in similar situations himself more often than he cared to remember.

"We have to do something" he whispered.

Ron nodded his agreement, "What?"

Harry didn't know. He looked frantically around the alley for anything he could use. There wasn't much. The trash bins could serve as cover but then what.

"Hey! Maybe I could sneak around and scare them" Ron offered.

"Sneak ar… the invisibility cloak" duh, "Forgot I was a wizard. Okay, here's the plan."

"I think she should give us a kiss."

"No, please."

"Who'd wanna kiss you!"

The assembled thugs jumped.

"Who said that?"

"What's it to ya?"

The group turned toward the voice but saw no one.

"What the hell, I don't know who you are but you're gonna be real sorry when I find you" blustered the leader.

"If I had your face I'd already be sorry."

The group jumped again when the voice came from the opposite direction.

"Your little trick isn't going to save you."

"Your shoe's a trick."

The leader, confused by the odd retort, looked down at his shoe then promptly started screaming.

"Fire! FIRE!"

His whole foot was engulfed in blue flame, the sight of which caused him such a panic he never realized there was no heat, or pain, coming from his flaming foot.

The leader began jumping around like a maniac, stumbling into his fellows who were almost as panicked as he.

Unguarded, the girl was too flabbergasted to do more than stare till a voice next to her whispered "Run."

Suddenly reminded of her situation the girl took off out of the alley, running all the way home where she would pass out and forget most of the evening.

Her escape did not go unnoticed, but no sooner had they tried to pursue than a massive wall of blue flame cut them off.

A mad cackling filled the alley as the wall of flame began to advance. Showing surprising athleticism, the four bullies climbed the wall behind them and vanished screaming into the night.

Now seemingly empty, the cackling in the alley changed timbre, becoming more of a chortle.

"They're gone Harry."

A head of messy black hair popped up from behind a heaping rubbish bin.

"That went better than expected" said Harry.

"Did you see the looks on their faces" Ron laughed, appearing as the he removed the invisibility cloak.

"Think that'll teach'em not to do it again?"

"Probably not."

Harry sighed. He couldn't disagree with his friend.

"Dad says most muggles that get attacked by magic usually try to forget about it afterwards. It makes his job a bit easier he says."

"What is your dad's job?" Harry asked.

"He works for the Ministry, Department of Muggle… something, I forget the word. Mostly he runs around uncursing things wizards leave to torment the muggles. Muggle baiting it's called."

"Why would wizards do that?" a silly question he realized as soon as it came out of his mouth.

Ron just shrugged, "It's illegal. Doesn't seem to stop people."

A sudden thought struck Harry, followed by a sinking feeling in his gut, "Ron, what we just did, was that Muggle baiting?"

Ron stared back as the ramifications of what they'd done sank in, "Yeah. Yeah probably was."

The two boys stood silent for a moment, then.

"I won't tell if you won't tell."

"Deal."


	5. Uptown Girls

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 05 – Uptown girls

…

"Keep your eye on the marble. Pick the right cup and you win, just gotta keep your eye on the marble."

The plastic cups flew back and forth over the cardboard box in a barely visible blur. The old gambler was a master at his craft and had fooled far harder marks than the two boys in front of him.

The dark haired one was wearing glasses for crying out loud. He almost felt guilty taking their money. Almost.

The teens gathered round behind them chattered excitedly as the cups came to a stop. The ginger kid looked at the cups like his eyes were spinning. The gambler chortled.

"That one" said the dark-haired boy, pointing to the cup on the end.

"You sure."

The boy nodded. The gambler shook his head and lifted the cup. What he found nearly made him shit his pants. It couldn't be. There were seven cups. The kid was wearing glasses.

The sight of the marble caused him such consternation his brain refused to process the information and shut down instead.

He never registered when the boys took their winnings and left him, still staring at the marble.

"Bloody hell Harry, how did you do that?" exclaimed Ron.

"I just watched the cups" said Harry.

"Those glasses must just be for show" said one of the teen girls.

Harry shook his head, "Can't see a thing without them."

"That's weird" said Ron, "I never really thought about it before, even, you know, at school, and you being on the team."

"Do you play sports?" asked another girl, this one painted and dyed various neon colors.

"It's just a school club" said Harry, "we play other teams from our school."

Not a lie, though it certainly didn't feel like the truth. He was definitely getting better at his fibbing.

"Those must be really good glasses" said Ron.

"I don't think they are" said Harry.

The lenses were the cheapest Aunt Petunia had been able to get and the frames had come out of a donation bin. Should probably get a new pair, he certainly had the money for it, he thought.

Coming around the corner the conversation tapered off when everyone became aware of a heavy bone shaking vibration.

"What is that?" shouted Ron.

"Woohoo, Party!" shouted the neon girl.

The source of the powerful vibration appeared to be behind two large sliding doors guarded by a single massive man.

Neither Harry or Ron had any idea what was behind the doors, but their new friends seemed to and excitedly led them forward. The guard gave the small boys a skeptical look.

One of the girls, this one wearing shiny silver, 'clothing', draped herself over the guard. She batted her eyes and whispered in his ear while caressing his chest.

The man gave no sign any of this pleased or displeased him, but he did let them in, shoving one door open just enough for them all to slip inside.

The two young boys were immediately assaulted by the loud booming noise. Which was only made worse by the strobing multicolored lights.

An instinctive fear took hold and the two looked around frantically. The room was full of teenagers, crammed full in fact. Several massive speakers were set up in an arc on the far wall, at the center of which was a stage, and a single person bent over some sort of table, playing with something neither of them could see.

Somewhere in the back of their minds they figured it must be a control for the noise since his spastic movements seemed to sync with the odd undulations of the room shaking beat and other alien noises blaring out of the speakers.

Shrinking back against the door they'd come in, the boys stared at the tableau before them. The girls had already melted into the mosh leaving Harry and Ron feeling very vulnerable.

"We need to get out of here!" shouted Harry, barely able to hear himself.

Ron nodded, "We need to get out of here" he shouted as well.

Unable to hear each other but sharing the same mind they scurried around the edges of the room looking for some sort of exit.

The noise was less severe behind the speakers they discovered, but so close every heavy oppressive beat shook them physically.

They were both beginning to think they'd never get out when Harry spotted a small beacon of red in the darkness behind the speakers where the strobing lights couldn't get to.

Dancing and hopping over the mess of cords and cables they made it to the small sign which read EXIT. The sign hung over a dark descending hall.

Harry led the way, fearing the dark less than he feared going back. The walls continued to shake despite the growing distance from the speakers.

"Must be shaking the whole building" Ron shouted.

"I hope it drops on them" said Harry.

Some twenty meters in they both saw the light and hurried towards it. The glowing exit sign cast just enough to illuminate the door.

Harry never stopped, crashing into the bar and shoving the door open.

"Freedom!" Ron cried as they dashed back out into the evening air.

"Never been so happy to see the night sky" said Harry, "and, the water."

"Well ya look at that."

The back door had led them out onto the docks.

"Where are we Harry?"

"Smells like" sniff sniff, wince, "the Thames."


	6. Shrimp on the barbee

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 06 – Shrimp on the barbee

…

"Harry, where are we going?"

"You keep asking me that. It's like you think I have any idea."

Having escaped the house of madness, or whatever those teen girls had dragged them into, the two boys were taking a more casual pace as they walked along the docks. The smell was a bit much, but it was still better than the sensory assault they'd just escaped.

"Are we lost?"

Harry shook his head, "No, I'm pretty sure I can still find the car."

"Pretty sure?"

Harry gave an impatient sigh. He knew he shouldn't be upset but he was tired and not at all used to the whining. It took all his self-control not to snap at his friend.

"Hey, you smell that?"

The boys stopped, and Harry stared as his friend sniffed the air like a hound dog.

"Ron?"

"I smell something, grilled, this way."

Ron meandered down the dock with his nose high in the air. Harry followed close behind, only mildly off put by the sudden weirdness. Absently Harry wondered if Ron might not be part bloodhound. Wouldn't be the strangest thing he'd heard since finding out he was a wizard.

He'd once heard a rumor Millicent Bullstrode was part troll, though he was pretty sure that was just people being mean.

"Gettin close" said Ron, sniffing madly.

"Ron."

"I can practically taste it."

"Ron."

"It's here, it's right…"

"Ron!"

Ron opened his eyes and found himself hanging halfway off the dock. Harry's grip on the back of his shirt being the only thing keeping him from taking the plunge, "Woah!" Ron exclaimed, stumbling back onto the dock, "Thanks Harry."

"No problem, but, why'd you almost walk into the river?"

"The smell. I was right on top of it."

They looked around but saw nothing.

"Maybe your nose was wrong?" Harry offered.

"Well that's embarrassing" said Ron, "It's never been wrong before."

Harry gave his friend an odd look while Ron took an experimental sniff sniff, cautiously stepping back to the edge of the dock.

"It's right here" he insisted, waving his nose back and forth.

"Evening!"

Ron jumped at the sudden greeting from the darkness.

"Who? Wha? Where…Huh?"

"Down here."

Creeping back to the edge of the dock Ron peered over the edge.

A wooden dingy sat gently bobbing on the water, a short rope tying one end to the closest pylon. Sitting in the dingy was a man, well bronzed by the sun with light blonde hair, holding a bottle in one hand.

"Ello lad" the man said genially.

"Woah!" Ron expressed, "What're ya doin down there?"

"Not much" the man replied.

"Who're you talking to Ron?" asked Harry as he joined his friend.

"Oh, uh, didn't catch your name" said Ron.

"Friends just call me Mick" the man said.

"I'm Ron" said Ron, "This's Harry."

Harry smiled and waved.

"Nice ta meet ya lads. So, what brings you down this way so late at night?"

"Our car broke down" said Ron, "My brothers are trying to fix it."

"And while they do that, you decided to go on walkabout, eh? I can respect that. Been known to do it myself on occasion."

The two boys couldn't help but grin at the convivial man with the fun accent.

"Actually, we were looking for something to eat" said Ron.

"I can respect that too" said Mick, "had some shrimp on the barbee myself a while ago."

"Don't spose you've got any left?" Ron asked hopefully.

The man shook his head, "Fraid not. If you'd been here thirty minutes ago might a been different."

"Bollocks!" Ron cursed, causing the other two to laugh.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" Harry inquired.

"Sure" said Mick with a casual wave of his beer.

"What brings you here so late at night?"

Mick chuckled at the repurpose of his own question, "I'm runnin on a different clock is all" he said, "the lady and I just got in ya see. Back home, I reckon is about lunch time."

"Where're you from?" asked Ron.

"Down under."

"He means Australia" Harry explained, seeing Ron's blank expression.

"I don't know where that is either."

"When we get back to Hogwarts I'll find a globe and show you."

"Okay" Ron said with a disinterested shrug, "So what brings you and your, lady, to London."

"Doin a favor for her dad is all. He runs a paper over in New York. Lady's a journalist so…"

"Journalist?"

"Reporter" said Harry.

"Oh. And what do you do?"

The man chuckled at that question, "Well, there are some folk have called me a, conservationist. Personally, I don't think that's quite right, tell the truth."

And with that lead in, Ol Mick proceeded to explain exactly what it was he did to a fully captive audience.


	7. The resistance

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 07 – The Resistance

…

"Harry, where are we going?"

Harry looked at his friend like he was thinking about smacking him.

"What?"

Resisting the urge, he shook his head and rolled his eyes, "When I figure it out, you'll be the first to know."

"You're sure we're not lost?"

"Nope" Harry decided, tired of arguing, "we could always go back and see if Ol' Mick could track the car down."

Ron snickered, "Like a wild wallaby" he said, aping the Australians accent.

"Or a crazy crocodile" added Harry.

"Wish I knew what either of those was" said Ron.

"I wonder if there's a bookstore around here anywhere?" Harry wondered.

"Hermione'd know" said Ron, earning him a dirty look, "ya know she would."

Harry snickered a little, refusing to acknowledge the point but also finding it hard to disagree. It would be like Hermione to sniff out a bookstore like Ron could sniff out food.

"Well she's not here so."

"Never around when you really need her."

Harry shook his head, "We'll just have to keep our eyes open and see what we find" he said, rounding a corner and running right into a dirty vagrant.

"I thought we were keeping our eyes open Harry" Ron teased.

"Huh, Whasat? Who're you? Wha'da ya want?" demanded the old vagrant in the worn out top hat.

"Uh, we were…"

"That is to say we weren't, uh…"

"Oh, you think you confuse me with your double speak huh. Well it won't work. I'm too smart for that. Why I'm part of the Resistance ya know."

"The Resistance?" the two boys echoed.

"That's right" said the vagrant smugly.

The two boys stared. Just what the heck had they stumbled into this time?

"I can see you're impressed" said the filthy deluded man, "and why wouldn't you be? It's not everyone they let join the Resistance."

Being the less wary of the two it was Ron who chose to address the wierdo… I mean stranger, "What's the Resistance?"

"What's the Resistance?! Why it's the great struggle. The push against the oppressors. The last bastion of hope for a people who cry out for freedom!"

Ron and Harry gaped. Not because they believed anything the old crazy was saying of course. He sounded like a history teacher who'd just drunk a full bottle of whiskey in one sitting while reading the French Revolution. In his own head he probably sounded quite dashing. In reality the rabid drool and spittle were something less than attractive.

"Uh, if you don't mind my asking" tried Harry, "what exactly are you resisting?" despite his impassioned speech he'd failed to mention that tidbit.

The old vagrant opened his mouth, and paused. His excited expression melting into one of consideration and confusion, "You don't even know" Ron said, his tone accusatory.

The vagrant mumbled and stuttered under the accusation till something caught in his brain. His eyes narrowed, and he looked at the two boys suspiciously, "You ask an awful lot of questions" he said angrily.

Seeing the sudden shift in the unstable adult the two boys took a reflexive step back.

"Oh no ya don't!" the vagrant was surprisingly quick and had a hold of them before they could do more than turn, "Filthy little spies!" he growled, "You won't get away from me."

He was right, though both hated to admit it. Despite looking like a well-dressed scarecrow, he was still stronger than either of them. A fact he proved when he started to drag them down the street.

"Let us go!" Ron shouted.

"Where are you taking us?" Harry demanded.

"The council will know what to do with you."

The council? That didn't sound good. The young boys continued their struggles but to no avail. They were only released when the old bum chose to release them. Unceremoniously tossing them into the middle of yet another filthy alley.

The London sanitation department was really slipping.

"Fellow councilor's. I have captured two spies who threaten to expose us. What shall be done with them?"

The trash cans around them shook as people appeared. There weren't many but all looked dirty and worn, both the man and the woman. The man wore a simple black waistcoat which had probably been very nice once upon a time. The woman wore the remains of an evening gown including a (barely) feathered boa and a rat that perched on her shoulder like a nervous twitchy parrot.

"Well now, what's this you've dragged into our presence?" said the waistcoat man with manufactured importance.

"I just tole you, spies. Open your ears dammit!"

"They don't look like spies, do they darling." the boa woman crooned to her rat.

"I can assure you milady they are. As such they are a threat to the Resistance."

"The Resistance!" they echoed.

"What are you resisting?" Harry shouted, hoping one of these two might know.

"Communism?"

"No, it's Capitalism!"

"Kekeeeee!" opined the Rat.

"You leave Mrs. Thatcher out of this you dirty little…"

"Don't you take that tone at my precious darling you great brute."

The 'Great Resistance' quickly broke down into a great screaming match, during which Ron pulled out the invisibility cloak, allowing the two boys to escape.

"Bloody barmy the lot of 'em" said Ron, once they'd put a good three blocks between them and the old crazy people.

"Yeah, I think I've had my fill of adventure for one night." said Harry.

"But, food?"

Harry sighed, "Only if there's no more 'Resistance'."


	8. Three's company two

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 08 – Three's company two

…

A dim light cast shadows across long shelves covered in old worn books.

"Hey Ron, lookit this."

Ron set down the tattered paperback with the flashy cover and wandered over to his friend.

"Whatcha find?"

Harry held a large hardback open for him to see, "That is a crocodile."

"Whoa" that sure was a lot of teeth, "looks kinda like a dragon but without the wings."

"I think I'm gonna buy this one. You find anything?"

"Nothing good."

"Well, it is a used bookstore."

A used bookstore that was open all night. Harry had been surprised to find such a thing but as the cashier had explained and they themselves had seen, there was no lack of people out and about.

"We should try and find something for Hermione" said Harry.

"That's easy" said Ron, "just gotta find the biggest book in here."

Harry snickered, "Just some light reading."

Ron chuckled and shook his head, "What ya spose she's doing right now."

… well across London, at the Granger residence

Entering the comely brownstone, we ascend the stairs and peer in through a crack in the door. Something stirs in the darkness, an amorphous form. It groans and growls ominously, then thuds as it falls onto the floor.

More groaning follows as the form undulates. Then, a hand appears from the mess, the sheets are pulled away to reveal, a bear, with bushy hair.

The bushy bear, free of its imprisonment, looks around with bleary eyes before yawning the biggest cutest yawn. Clumsily staggering to its paws, just the back two, it stumbled toward and then into the door.

Growling at the obstruction, she pushed it aside and thumped out into the hall and down the stairs.

Trudging into the kitchen the bushy bear pawed at the fridge door for a time before finally wedging it open. The light shown harshly on the bushy bear and she flinched away reflexively till her eyes adjusted.

Blinking to clear the spots she reached in with both hands and took out the small cup with the special lid. Wandering to the counter and climbing into the nearest chair she put the sippy cup to her lips and drained it.

"I really wish mother would stop using this cup" she said, "I'm not a child anymore" said the girl in the teddy bear pajamas.

"Hey! You shut up. These are my favorites."

… Okay. Bet you'd never wear them at Hogwarts.

"Of course not. Do you have any idea the sort of people I room with?"

Yeah, pretty good idea. Why is there never a camera around when you need one?

The bushy bear scrunched up her face angrily, "You know what? You suck."

Such language. For shame.

Grumpily she stood, "I do not have to sit here and take criticism from a disembodied voice."

And with that the bushy bear went thumping back to bed, muttering depreciations all the way.

"Stupid voice. Call me a bushy bear will he. Why I oughta…"

…

The author would just like to apologize for that last item. It was confusing and bad and thoroughly disobedient and please don't bother to message because we know it was tasteless what with meta humor being one of the lowest forms of humor and they really didn't mean it and, well, whatcha gonna do.

Going back to the other two

…

"Hey Harry?"

"Yeah Ron?"

"I found Waldo."

Sigh, "Good for you Ron."

…

Ya know what. Forget it. NEXT CHAPTER!


	9. Arches of Gold

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 09 – Arches of gold

…

It was a big place, the big city, and as he walked down the street, weighed down by his recent purchases, he was sure he had seen enough of it for one night.

"Harry are we lost?"

Surrounded by unfamiliar buildings of an unfamiliar street it certainly felt like it.

"No Ron." Probably.

Given how many random streets they'd turned down it really was a small wonder, but Harry was confident he could find his way back to the car. Mostly confident anyway.

"Think we should head back?"

They'd been gone over an hour. The twins had probably fixed the car. And yet.

"Still haven't found what we were looking for."

Except for Mick and his grill, they'd seen no sign of food. It was ironic in a way. They'd set out to do one thing and managed to do everything but that thing. And the way things were going they weren't going to do it either.

"Should have asked that guy at the bookstore," Harry realized.

"Zit just me, or was there something, I dunno, off, about that guy?"

"It's not just you," said Harry.

Dressed in all black and wearing more makeup than Aunt Petunia on a Sunday morning, he was a sight to see. He'd been so pale and waxy looking, the two of them had thought he was a mannequin at first. His absolute lack of expression and the sunken quality of his face had Harry thinking zombie when mannequin turned out to be wrong.

"Your nose getting anything?"

Ron shook his head, "No, not since Mick. You think we're just in the wrong part of town?"

Harry shrugged, "Maybe," it certainly had that wrong part of town feel to it.

"Spose we should head back?"

Harry sighed, "Probably."

It wasn't that he was terribly hungry, food had been Ron's idea. But turning back without it felt like a failure, which stabbed at his recently found sense of pride.

Turning a corner, the two boys stopped dead as they beheld a magnificent sight.

"Harry," Ron whispered, "are we dead?"

"No," said Harry, fully understanding why he'd asked.

He wondered if this wasn't how pilgrims felt when they first saw the holy land. Awestruck. Dumb with wonder. It was, Harry thought, the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Even Hogwarts seemed bland and pale compared to this shining Mecca.

"Where are we Harry?"

Nirvana. The promised land. He'd always dreamed of coming to such a place, and now he was here. He felt an irrepressible sense of joy standing under the warm glow of the golden arches.

"McDonalds."

Ron nodded dumbly, "Don't know who that is, but he is bloody wicked."

Harry couldn't find it in him to disagree.

A cool breeze blew across their faces when they entered the sacred shrine. It was just as magnificent on the inside. The floors seemed to sparkle, and every other surface was immaculately clean. They stood in awe, neither had seen the like before or thought they ever would again.

At the register stood a young woman in a freshly pressed uniform with the brightest smile either had ever seen. "Welcome to McDonalds. How may I help you?" she asked sweetly in a voice like tinkling bells.

They were so enspelled it took them a moment to answer, "Uh, food?" said Ron.

The girl giggled, "Perhaps you'd like to take a look at the menu," she said, gesturing to the illuminated placard above her.

Looking at the 'menu' they gaped like someone who'd just been shown the holy grail.

"All that," Ron squeaked.

"Awesome," Harry marveled.

The angel behind the counter just smiled, "Please take your time."

That did it for Ron, "Harry! I wanna live here."


	10. That's got it

Hogwarts a History – Bright lights and the big city  
Chapter 10 – That's got it

…

"Maybe it's the whirly bit?"

"No, no, it's gotta be the twangy thing."

"Are we sure it's supposed to go twang?"

"We are not."

Two hours had passed since they'd began their investigation and their progress amounted to all the ways they'd found to describe the various parts they'd found, who's purpose they could only guess at.

"Maybe it's the Wangdangdoodle?"

"I thought we agreed that was the Wizzbangpop?"

"I thought that was this bit?"

"Wasn't that the Ptangptang?"

The twins stared at the engine, stared in the hopes if they stared long enough it might at last give up its secrets.

No such luck.

"Whoever built this must have been absolutely brilliant or infuriatingly obtuse."

"I'm thinking both."

"That would explain it."

"Hey guys!"

The twins poked their heads up to find their youngest brother, and friend, returned from wherever it was they went.

"How goes it?" asked Harry.

The twins shrugged.

"We are fairly certain."

"At least 75%."

"That it is not the Squeedleespooch."

"Or the Whirlidingus."

The two younger boys just nodded, pretending, badly, that they'd understood anything that had just been said.

"Well, we got food" said Ron, presenting the colorfully painted brown paper bag.

The twins were appropriately impressed, "Oooo!"

They were further impressed after experiencing the culinary adventure that was The Big Mac.

"This is amazing."

"And you say these are, potatoes'?"

"The fries, yep."

"Crazy."

"What will they think of next."

Harry smiled as his magical friends went on and on about the non-magical food. He'd thought magic and everything about it was the coolest thing that could possibly exist. He'd never considered people raised around magic might look at non-magical things with the same kind of enthusiasm.

Though in the case of McDonalds, he could totally understand.

"So, real talk guys. What's wrong with the car?" Harry asked.

"No idea" the twins replied.

"Oh great" groused Ron.

"Not sure how dad did it."

"It is beyond our current understanding."

"Mum is gonna kill us."

The twins wilted at the reminder of the unavoidable reprimand from their matriarch.

Sitting in the front seat, while the twins lounged in back with their food, Harry assessed the machine.

It was different than Uncle Vernon's. Vernon's auto had been top of the line, not simply a means of conveyance but a status symbol to tell anyone looking how important he was.

Despite that, the pieces were all mostly the same, or at least Harry recognized them from his various supervised cleanings of Vernon's beloved. The only knob he didn't recognize was the one that said invisibility, but that was pretty self-explanatory.

One by one he went over all the switches and levers and buttons. He figured, if he could find something that looked off, that looked like it was turned or pulled or pushed in a way it shouldn't be, that would be the problem.

Nothing. Save for the invisibility button everything looked to be in its proper place. Frustrated, he flopped back in the seat. In the process of doing so he accidentally hit something he hadn't noticed.

"What's this?"

It was a lever on the side of the seat with a button on the end. Remembering one from Vernon's auto he tried pulling it. When that failed he tried pushing.

Failing that as well he decided the button must be the key. Pressing it he found the lever moved easily. Pushing it all the way down there was a click.

"What'd you do."

Three heads looked over his shoulder to see what he'd done.

"It was a little up" Harry explained.

"You think that was it?"

"Must've bumped it while we were flying."

"Yeah, but does it work now?" asked Ron.

"Only one way to find out" said Harry, grabbing the key.

There was a roar, then a cheer as the car came to life and the four rejoiced.

"Alright, we've dawdled enough I think."

"Back on the road gent's."

"Or over it" quipped Harry which earned him a laugh.

"I just hope we get home before mum wakes up" said Ron, causing his brothers to groan.

"You just jinxed it."

"Way to go."

Realizing what he'd done, Ron threw up his hands and wailed, "I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!"

...

Author's note

Oh silly Ron, don't you know never to tempt the universe.

Well, that wraps up another entry of Hogwarts a History. Be back next week as the Lovely Luna Lovegood makes her debut. Hogwarts a History - Otter's can't catch what?

See you there.


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